Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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