At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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