I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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