why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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