This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
