I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
