I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
