Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
