i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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