Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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