wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
