I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
