I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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