Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
