My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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