I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
