I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
