Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
