I'm gonna have a badass scar
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
