my sisters under your porch take her home
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
