I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
