The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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