Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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