Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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