what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
