Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
