69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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