It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
