If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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