wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
