the condom got lost in my hair
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
