out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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