she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
