I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
