Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
