Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
