I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
