Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
