I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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