I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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