Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
