Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
