This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
its liver damage thursday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
