I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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