Don't make out with my wife yet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
