I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
