You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
