Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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