You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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