If i come over, it means nothing
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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